will this remain part of me for the duration of my life?

My family has suffered from depression collectively for the length of my childhood. I’ve had faint memories of trying to understand what was occurring with them and why. A wave of dark emotion would randomly hit the household and that’s when we knew to be quiet and well behaved. It was only when I hit 17 that it hit me. Depression.

Depression is an illness that strips you of who you are, who you could be , what you want to do and why you want to do it. In my words, it strips your soul. The problem with depression is that you cannot physically SEE it therefore people tend to push it to the side. I have certainly battled with a ‘want to tell anyone and everyone WHY I’m like the way I am’ , just so I could explain my strange temporary personality.

I’ve unsuccessfully tried medication and to put it frankly I haven’t bothered with any kind of alternative therapy as of yet. However, words of my cousin who is also going through depression, pulled me out of dark hole. Surprisingly her words weren’t motivational, they weren’t bright and optimistic but they meant something to me that helped me deal with it in a way I couldn’t before.

‘You have an illness’. These words made me realise that depression is not something that goes away, it becomes part of who I am for sure, but I’m trying to not let it weigh me down. Its incredibly difficult as this age to be dealing with issues such as anxiety and depression and even with the best of help I know I would still have the same thoughts wizzing round my head. There isn’t a quick fix that celebrities so advertise. It just makes me wonder when I see the tabloids blasting stories about celebrities and depression. ‘ I was highly depressed, but I’m fine now’.

Everything is said in the past tense as if it has miraculously been healed. It just makes me wonder, is it just me? Are they dramatising depression? Or am I yet to find someone or something to set me free of this emotion?


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