Happy Birthday Holly!!

On the 7th of December 1989 my guardian angel Holly, was born – my guardian angel comes in the form of my sister. Now, I know most guardian angels have to actually be angels ( in heaven bla bla bla….), however my guardian angel is alive with me and protects me all the time. My sister is an incredible human being who strives to help others and I will never forget everything she has done for me!

My earliest memories of my sister date back to a time when I was very young  when most of them were kind of unfortunate, yet funny. There was the time I thought she had pulled a foot stall from underneath me, as a consequence I had fallen into a fireplace and broken my arm (for the second time). I was later told ( and still am) that I ‘fell’. I guess my own mother’s memory would have been better than my own. I still like to think that I was never stupid enough to fall into an open fireplace and break a bone. Then there was the time when I woke up choking – someone had put what felt like stones, down my throat. These later turned out to be something like popcorn seeds or something of the kind. Then there was all the fighting, moaning, stealing and hiding of clothes, yelling matches and so on. I really disliked my sister throughout my childhood, I was shy and she was strong – I felt weak compared to her. Hol was always such an independent person and I envied this like you wouldn’t believe. The funny thing is, even though we constantly argued, I always have a distant memory of wanting to spend more time with her, like it was never enough. I craved her company at times.hol bday 2

However, it’s a struggle for me to even think back to times like this as I barely remember them. They’re pointless to what we have with each other now. As we grew up, we started to get on but it was always temperamental. Then in the summer of 2009 (I think), I moved to France with my parents. Hol was old enough to stay in the UK and she seemed OK with this at the time. She had a long term boyfriend and was strong enough to be her own person – she always had been. 4 months down the line I was deeply depressed by my reclusive lifestyle. I don’t really remember the conversations Hol and I had, I wasn’t myself, I was barely living – just a shell. All I remember from this time, was Hol constantly saying, you’ll come back and you’ll be happy. France was beautiful but in simple terms, it wasn’t for me. My sister was the mediator between myself and my parents when I didn’t want to see, hear or talk to them. In December when Hol came out to visit us at Christmas, she took me home to England – it was what I needed.

To me, this is the best thing she has ever done for me. Even though she may not have understood what I was going through, she potentially saved me from some deeply threatening feelings. Ever since being back, of course we argue like there is no tomorrow, but we know what is important. She really cares for me and I adore her for that. I feel like I could tell her everything if need be, and 4 years ago I probably wouldn’t have said that. She over took my mother’s role whilst I was adapting to being back here and guarded me from a lot.

Now I don’t want this post to be depressing, because it shouldn’t be. She is an amazing human being, who I could not imagine living without. The love I have for her is so solid and I am so thankful for the relationship we have created between us. Hol spends a lot of her time thinking of innovative ways to work with charities, help people or just begin a new project and I will always envy her for her confidence to start something new and daunting. She is brave and ballsy and at times this can get her into trouble – most of the time she manages to make it work for her ;). She is the best person in the world to me and I love her.

 

Happy birthday sis!! XXXX hol bday

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