Using Technology to Aid Mental Recovery

mental health, writing

8f5dbd43-8e0b-4fed-92cf-5ce4d0cfc7ed

As someone who places a lot of importance on spirituality in the healing process, I was reluctant to utilise the support of technology in my own recovery. However, after discovering an incredibly refreshing app, I was enlightened in understanding how technological thinking doesn’t always have to have an ulterior motive.

I first began to sense that things were not going so well for me, when I became familiar with the dooming sensation associated with anxiety attacks. The crushing feeling progressively surfaced during work meetings, when I was commuting, whilst in places I couldn’t leave without other people noticing, social situations or simply before I fell asleep at night. The drive for my job promptly depleted and I couldn’t seem to see through the vague cloud of fog encompassing my thoughts and whole existence. Everything that made up my judgements, appeared to be empty, soulless and meaningless.

The utterance of burnout seemed ridiculous at first. From what I’d experienced around me, burnouts were serious and considerably more debilitating then what I was going through. However, when I made the decision to inform my employer that I wasn’t doing too well and I was going to take some time off as a result, it solidified the fact that I needed proper support. What surprised me, was the fact that I wasn’t even able to worry about the shame that I had preempted myself to feel, when asking for this help – frankly put: I could not feel. One thing that was clear: my brain begged for a mental check out. My own capability of understanding mental illness was frozen and I needed help.

During this time, I came across an article that shared ‘the best apps to aid mental illness’. The article suggested an app known as Stigmato gently aid users throughout their mental health struggles.

Stigma, allows you to record your mood every day via a simple, clean cut app. The user-friendly, basic interface allows you to rate your feelings using a list of descriptive words i.e. anxious, sad, ok, calm, happy (which is then colour coded in your monthly overview). If the ratings are too simplistic, you can add your diary entry below. Stigma, also offers a community of peers who may be suffering from mental illness and silently searching for someone to share with. This peer group helps to empahsise that you are never alone in the struggle. As mental health sufferers will know, at times, encouragement and discussion from others who have suffered or are suffering, can be significantly more relatable then talking to friends or family.

The wonderful thing about stigma is the fact that it essentially provides you with an illuminating overview of your moods from the previous days, weeks and months. The app encouraged me to take a step back from my naturally negative or destructive thinking patterns. I became motivated when I saw the green boxes increasing (signifying ‘good mood’ days) and when I noticed the red boxes returning (‘bad mood’ days), I would rationally asses that day at another date, trying to avoid disappointment or placing judgment on myself.

IMG_7227

An example of the Stigma interface

Often, when you are having a dip and your mood only allows for heaviness and darkness, it becomes increasingly more challenging to remember the enjoyable times –  and if you are succeptible, this can effect your entire outlook on life. It becomes almost impossible to remind yourself of the great Friday night you had with your friends where you laughed once – making you feel alive, or the Sunday morning when you awoke feeling less heavy – giving you a moment to catch your breath or the lovely book which took you out of this world for a short while. It is important to remind yourself of the little accomplishments, especially when you are going through something testing and unknown. Stigma enables you to do that – it brings you back to the present and this feels incredibly rewarding.

Tracking and reflecting on your moods and behaviors can be highly productive on your own path towards mental healing. I highly encourage it if you desire a more present and meaningful life – especially one in which you wish to take charge of your own moods.

The greatest reward: seeing your first month filled with only green blocks and clicking through each day, gently reminding yourself of some mentally strong and fulfilling days that did occur – eventually, allowing you to gradually turn your back on the darkness, inviting the light into your life.

 

Advertisements

Escaping vs Embracing

life lessons, mental health, spirituality

 

Most of us are familiar with that feeling of living for the weekend in order to turn our back on the demanding days that have passed or craving an impending festival in order to truly let loose and shake off the stress of modern living. This idea has lead me to question the relationship that we have with escaping our daily routine. Could it be that we are damaging our attempts at conscious living, in order to simply blow off steam? Is there such thing as conscious escapism?

It can be argued that escapism is to seek relief from unpleasant realities, often through entertainment or fantasy. According to Longeway, escapism becomes damaging once the individual avoids awareness of the ‘issues’ or beliefs at hand. Escapism through entertainment has an intention to draw us away from our everyday predicaments. There is a danger that we can get caught up in the fantasy of our life being better than it really is (which could be a paradox considering it is a concept based on our own interpretation and understanding). As human beings, we often escape in different ways dependent on our personal interests. For example: reading, listening to music, completing a crossword or puzzle, going on vacation, doing daily yoga, all the way to becoming comatose in front of the television, playing computer games and taking drugs. Who is to say, that one is more damaging than the other if the same purpose is being fulfilled?

Escapism is not inherently negative. The perception however, is negative. This is ironic considering most of us indulge in escapist behavior on a regular basis. Longeway argues that if we are of course to deny that something is true (health issues for example), escapism can be damaging and deceiving. Thus, a little scale becomes visible. If we don’t fool ourselves into avoiding confronting issues and we do not deny something is there, then we can move towards acknowledgement of what lies within us – becoming more conscious. There are logical reasons why one may want to escape, but it is important to remind oneself not to use escape as a coping mechanism. Here an unhealthy habit can develop. But, it does seem logical and healthy to drop out every now and then – like a system re-boot.

Let’s place yoga into the spotlight – my favourite hobby when I need to float to a happy cloud, soaring above my anxious thoughts. The sensation that I experience after yoga is very tranquil and calm, to the point where most things don’t really matter in the moments that follow. Each time I plan a class, I feel a little tingle in my belly and this continues on until I step on the mat – I am immediately transported into another zone. I crave this feeling and I follow it around. For me, yoga and meditation is certainly a form of escape. However, when practicing, we are continuously encouraged to be as present and conscious as possible. Furthermore, if we have pain, issues or problems, rather than labeling them, we are encouraged to acknowledge them and continue on – calming confronting what is occurring. When practicing, we are taught not to deny emotions but to embrace them whatever they may be and however they may arise. Thus, the whole time that we are escaping during yoga, we are holding the hand of our demons and essentially confronting them.

If we then analyse escapism through taking drugs, the process can alternate and present varying benefits compared to taking a yoga class, but the underlying importance is still on balance. Perhaps escapism through taking drugs could lead you further away from confronting what it is that you are indeed temporality running from – but who is to say that this is detrimental or wrong?

 Whilst too much of this fleeing behavior can lead you away from significant personal goals or even hinder your productivity, not enough can result in excessive levels of stress and even burn out. Ultimately, escapism provides your brain with the coping skills for understanding heavy emotions and pressured situations – without it, we would likely crumble. Thus, it is crucial to think of escapism as an activity that is neither positive or negative but as an activity that requires monitoring and careful practice. Perhaps the use of the word is also outdated and if we simply re-label it to ‘re-fueling’, ‘re-charging’ or ‘de-compressing’, our whole outlook could be transported to an alternative space.

 

Meditation: A very continuous journey on the road to somewhere

life lessons, mental health, spirituality

image1-3

 

It’s been around 5/6 weeks since I set myself the task of meditating every single day. My key goal was to commit myself to actively participating in something that was only beneficial for me, for at least 5 minutes a day. This seems painfully straight forward, but you’ll be surprised at how difficult it is to withdraw from your surroundings for 5 simple minutes. In these moments when I momentarily stepped away from my daily doings, I temporarily experienced an increase in my anxiety – I had to step back from ‘keeping life in check’ for those moments when I was meditating. I was convinced that I would lose control of my reality if I wasn’t constantly monitoring what was occurring around me. Eventually, I made it a forceful priority to take that step back, to see what happened if I did indeed lose control. After returning to my life following the short 5 minute break, I was of course pleasantly surprised to see everything still in its place around me.

Prior to mediation, my mind was awash with too many stimuli, to the point where I felt very disconnected with myself and my soul purpose on this planet. My anxiety was at an all time high and to say that I felt like a stranger to myself would be considerably apt. The thing that concerned me now that I reflect on it, was how well I managed to hide my true self from those with whom I interacted with on a daily basis – I had become a pro at having two personas. To me, it even felt like a strength if I was able to hide how chaotic my thoughts really were.

Once I started becoming familiar with the habit of meditating, I scouted the help of an app – Insight Timer. At first, I was resilient in allowing technology to help with something that I considered to be so delicate and pure. I felt I would be insulting the practice if I couldn’t do it from the authenticity of my heart alone. However, I shortly realised that there is no point in pretending to be a master of a trade when you have just started gathering the tools. Especially with meditation, there is no one to fool but yourself, you may as well start getting brutally honest – otherwise you will never grow.  Not surprisingly, the app enabled me to stay on track, as well as pinpoint the topic of stress for that day – which is very helpful when you are already feeling so ungrounded. Plus, a guiding voice can feel ever so supporting and slightly more elevating than when you are doing it alone.

So, what have I gained?

The beautiful thing about about mediation is that it can provide you with a realistic feeling of optimism, one you can trust. The feeling of peace that we often experience after meditating, comes from our inner selves – from us and nothing else – that is especially powerful.  It is up to us and only us, to maintain that snippet of an uplifting sensation and we must do this by continuing to practice. For sufferers of mental illness, the feeling of powerlessness is an all too familiar one. Thus, meditation is unique because it provides you with the instruments to create your own strength and contribute to the start of your own healing.

Meditation has not healed me and I believe that due to the mechanics of my brain, I never shall be completely ‘healed’ – but it is certainly playing an increasingly important role in my life – releasing internal pressure when I am unable to recognise how to do so myself.

If I was to summarise one thing that mediation has provided me with, it would be an outlet. An outlet for a very continuous journey, on the road to somewhere.  The effects are subtle and gentle, but they are noticeable. That is enough for me to keep going, to keep taking those moments, to ground myself and come home to myself – even if only for a split second.

 

Meditation: You only miss a good thing when it’s gone

mental health, spirituality, writing
a3e5692f97336ef4ef44c2b30149c1d7

Credit: Pintrest

I sometimes feel that when the word ‘meditation’ is dropped into conversation, it can fall victim to many stereotypical associations: hippy, floater, dreamer, wanderer – or any word that can be coupled with the opposite sensation to being grounded or in control. With a fear of bystanders being misled by these prejudices, I can often become irritated by these conversations.

Simply meditating doesn’t imply that you are ready to descend to another spiritual realm, in preparation for a significant awakening. It can mean many things, but for most it’s simply a method to gain more inner calm and understanding of oneself. The ironic thing is, if I was to analyse my mind before I started meditation, it was more out of control and less grounded than ever before. The stresses, expectations and pressures of modern life, had really started to take a toll upon my mental health. I realised, I’d been forcefully swallowing my worries like they were sick-burps – each time, pushing harder to keep them down. When the stress eventually bubbled up to the surface, I would freak out, suffer momentarily and then dust it off feeling like I’d achieved something. This was naïve.

Around 3weeks ago, I began meditating every single day. I made this commitment to myself in order to see if I could transform my ‘naturally’ negative and anxious head space. It had gotten to a point where I felt vulnerable as a result of my own emotional outbursts. I would wake in the night gasping for air, my hair was falling out and I felt eternally restless in my headspace, victim to eternal mind chatter – it was and sometimes still is, pretty torturous.

In the first 2.5 weeks, I think I missed around 3 or 4 sessions and I felt it – in fact, ‘missed’ being the imperative word here, I missed them. And you do start to notice the reassuring ‘buzz’ fades away after you’ve neglected the practice a couple of times.

The greatest indicator that the meditation had helped me, was how I often fell asleep. I began to notice that I could fall asleep without even thinking about the day that had passed or the night that was ahead – there was nothing on my mind. That was until, I hit week 3. The stresses of work became embedded, deep in my stomach and I lay awake until 4am. I tried multiple mediation sessions one evening, until I eventually fell asleep. However, this burst my bubble – meditation wasn’t able to rescue me or melt me into sleep as I had hoped, grazing over my mind chatter. It had seemingly ‘failed’.

Initially, I felt that this hiccup had diminished all of my meditation progress that I had built up – wiping my slate with a dirty cloth. That was until I realized that it was one hiccup. After I’d been used to having so many hiccups, especially during the night time, one hiccup had to be a victory. Surely.

Meditation: Confronting Caged Emotions with a Weary Heart

mental health, spirituality

I’m 5 days into my awareness challenge. I have already faced some difficulties and distractions as a reaction to the ‘real’ world, but my response has only been increased dedication. On the 4th day, a storm hit and my morning commute plans robbed me of some extra time in the morning. I dove deep into meditation cliches and told myself ‘it’s ok, you can just meditate on the bus’. Perched at the front of the jerky bus crammed with commuters, I managed to close my eyes for a whole of 30 seconds before I realised, I did not have the confidence to do so without humiliation. I gave up. I noticed that when I missed my morning slot, I immediately slipped into a guilty, unproductive headspace so I tried to make a deal with myself that I would take this seriously. The next day, I planned to allocate my 5 minute slot into a morning yoga class. Naturally, my plans foiled as I missed the class. Stood by the side of the road at 8am, I decided that the best way to adapt to the situation, would be to meditate at work before anyone else came in. Tick.

Across the 5 days, I didn’t feel that I needed meditation at all, nor did I feel obliged to do it. That was until, Saturday arrived. As soon as my life blesses me with the beauty of free time, my mind sees it as a golden opportunity to self-sabotage. So, I sat down, began to meditate, inhaled…exhaled…and burst into tears. I felt that for once, I was choosing to let that emotion go, there and then – rather than carry it around in my chest all day. In that moment, I felt strangely in control which offered a slight relievement. I guess that was the first benefit I felt from the meditation itself. Although my mood remained a bit despondent throughout the day, the moment of ‘being present’ certainly softened some of the sadness that I’d been subconsciously lugging around.

Up until now, method wise, I’ve been listening to calming music and closing my eyes for 5 minutes – naively inviting enlightenment to show its face. However, a friend recommended an app that may compliment my process. So as of next week, I’ll do some guided meditation.

de9cbc6def8ca09fdeac9a5c4b3213bd

Photo Credit: Pintrest

Meditation: From Deflation to Elation

life lessons, mental health, Uncategorized

Thankfully, nowadays my generation seem to have an increasing amount of confidence and curiosity when it comes to openly discussing the importance of a sane & satisfied mind. This ease in discussing mental health, has been hugely helped along by a magnificent platform  – the World Wide Web. I am not ignorant to its harmful potential, but at the same time, the internet has allowed for the opening of a new dimension, providing a platform where young people feel more inclined to discuss their mental health with individuals who are simply, more able to empathise with them. I think that’s bloody brilliant. Gradually, this discussion has allowed for the stigma of mental health to be softened and weakened.

I would label myself as a bit of a holistic individual who enjoys dabbling in the natural, more gentle medical wonders. After doping up on prescription medication and spending a 12 month period wondering why I hadn’t cried once, I soon discovered that the authentic emotions were more valuable to my personal growth and overall enjoyment of life – even if they seem to be more confronting and cutting. If we don’t learn to deal with these emotions, then how are we dealing? We are not. Sometimes, it’s simply more beneficial, if we remove the guys wearing white coats, momentarily replacing them for a better, more relatable support network – online and offline.

I recently read an article written by a young woman who wanted to test the power of meditation on her skin (she often broke out in stress induced moments). After a month, her skin had slightly increased in colouring and its clearness, but her remarks on her mental behaviours, where what intrigued me. I am someone who is constantly plagued by worry – professionals label it as generalised anxiety disorder (but I am challenging this uninventive stamp), so I thought this mediation ‘challenge’ would be perfect for me and my ever wandering, self sabotaging mind.

I’ll begin by meditating once a day for 5 minutes, increasing the duration, weekly. Meditation in the morning is my preferred choice due to the fact that you are naturally in a more calm headspace at this point of the day, plus it is easier to find 5 minutes at the beginning of your day without distraction and it starts your day off on a great foot! I’ve read and heard so much about this wonder method, that I am curious to explore the benefits – if any.

261b5f19e5549ac3e569a7b0679d1ba1

Photo credit: Pintrest

 

Who is leading, you or I?

life lessons, relationships

1e2bd233f6d62c0ab2bd255b7ee42a46

Do you and your partner have a joint bank account, or are your finances separate?‘, my father asked me recently. ‘No, we have separate accounts and share what is necessary for the house’ I replied. It would not be dramatic to say my father pretty much recoiled in shock at my response. Although I am 24 and happily living with my partner, I do not feel it is necessary or appropriate to (financially) share our entire lives, just yet. However this discussion across two different generations lead me to question whether our ‘modern set up’ was helping to maintain a potential wall of separation.

Throughout adolescence and young adulthood, the discovery of self-indentity is so heavily stressed, that if you are lucky enough not to ‘discover yourself’ straight away, you may initially feel that something is wrong. I say lucky as I truly believe that this is a fortunate occurrence. Your mind’s refusal to open up to who you are prematurely, can prove to be quite a blessing as your lengthy journey to self discovery becomes testing yet strangely fulfilling. You may experiment with different music genres, struggling to find your style. Or perhaps you may spend your teen years nervously attending parties and convincing yourself that you enjoyed every one. Maybe you’ve found yourself accompanied by a group of good friends and suddenly felt that the conversation was no longer stimulating in any shape or form. For me, it was the revelation that I was my happiest when alone – it was then that I understood the definition of ‘introvert’ and how to look after my sense of self. The reward of beginning to appreciate who you ‘are’, is such a huge compensation for the trying journey that you’ve embarked on from a young age. After all, when something comes easily to us, it doesn’t feel as satisfying once we have it in our possession.

When it comes to maintaining personal identity in romantic relationships, I am a huge advocate. Maintaining your independence and self reliance whilst in a relationship, is crucial so one doesn’t lose sight of themselves. Thanks to a development in modern thinking, it is now perfectly acceptable to live with a partner, yet still keep your lives financially separate. After all, nothing is forever, and I think it is safe and sensible to live with this in mind. However, lately I start to question whether this lack of ability to ‘give yourself up’ to someone else can consequently shut people out.

Can sacrificing some elements of your independence mean throwing out pieces of yourself? Furthermore, Can one’s tenacious independence give off a sense of ‘I don’t need anyone else’? Sure, it is all about balance, but where do we draw the line between self-protection and self-harm? I seem to be playing Devil’s Advocate with myself here. For now, my conclusion is that you should simply go with the happiness of your gut. If it feels good, then perhaps it’s just…good.

 

 

 

Child of the world

Uncategorized

At the age of 16, I learnt what it was like to live without my parents in close proximity, and what I considered then to be a hindrance to my emotional understanding of the world, can now take partial responsibility for who I am today. Although the experience gave me the freedom to lay some new stones for my path, my decisions on where to place these stones were heavily affected by the two humans who had led to my existence. Thankfully, my parents were bitten by the travel bug from a reasonably young age, leading them to explore and feed their curiosity for alternative cultures. This restlessness initially lead them from England and Wales to Germany, Luxembourg and the Netherlands, settling eventually in the South of France, with short intervals to Belgium. Myself, being born in Wales, jumped from various locations across England, France and the Netherlands. This independent exploration has essentially fine-tuned my understanding and appreciation for the multicultural essence that rightfully exists in our world. I was always brought up to embrace difference, explore change and celebrate the odd and weirdly wonderful. As a result of this, it feels extremely unnatural to feel a sense of ‘belonging’ when inhabiting a specific place. I have rarely experienced a sense of entitlement, leading me to protect what I understand to be ‘rightfully mine’ – because of this, I suppose that the feeling of threat of this perceived ‘other’ is also absent.

Witnessing the hasty exit of England from the EU, has got to be one of the most surreal moments of my adult life – especially as I write this as an expat, immigrant, foreigner other, outsider – whatever the Daily Mail is choosing to label me as that day. Whilst I can painstakingly empathise and dryly swallow a fraction of the justifications of some individuals who chose to vote to leave the EU, I can’t help but feel heavily disappointed and disenchanted with my country and the regrettable decision. Due to three years of studying the British press, I am able to reasonably understand how dominating and exploitative the media has been in this viscous public propaganda scheme. However, this does not come close to repairing the hurt that sits heavy in my heart. To put it frankly, I can only interpret the ‘Brexit’ as a transparent representation of our volunteering to destroy a nation’s tolerance and understanding. A nation whose foundation is built upon multiculturalism itself. Considering the number of individuals who voted to leave the EU related their vote off of the back of the refugee crisis, I feel that our global family is becoming more exposed to a dangerous, yet stern message that we do not intend to help those in dire need. However, the contention that concerns me the most, are the attitudes being provided with a platform through various social networks, spewing an endless tirade of hate speech – hate speech which is most often based on pure fear and prejudice.

I have witnessed just how beautifully open the human soul can be, when I visited the Calais refugee camp and experienced first-hand how overwhelming the support was. However, this support is a slow blossoming flower that requires a lot of attention from those that selflessly give to it on a consistent basis. Unfortunately, this blossom is being damaged by a selection of perpetrators who spread their poison hard and fast by irresponsibly sharing their destructive judgements. Thus, I choose to use the same platform to encourage you all to use your voice in the compassionate manner in which it was intended and is now desperately required. I am discouraged of how we as a society are continuously treating individuals as ‘the other’. I am disgusted with our severe lack of empathy. It is a shameful ability that we have in being able to turn our backs at lightning speed on these human beings. Whilst these displaced individuals are not provided with the opportunity to have a voice (something that we hugely take for granted at times), I believe that it is our responsibility as fellow human beings to stand in support for them. We need to use our collective intelligence to look past the misbehaving minority who are providing a bad name for misplaced individuals and search for those who truly need our support.

These detached representations of suffering that we see plastered on the front of the morning newspaper of humans covered in dirt from an explosion or painfully crying, yearning for a place to call home, these humans that we gawp at whilst sipping from a cardboard coffee cup, are real, they are existing and often they feeling nothing but uncertainty and unease – their stones being constantly displaced by the inaction of men today. Personally, I find it very difficult to switch off from this and I am starting to think that there is a reason for this.

It all begins with an attitude and eventually this attitude will develop into opinion. It is never too late to share the lesson and encourage others to learn acceptance and tolerance before poisonous opinion is unleashed, becoming untamable.

I am, we are.

life lessons, spirituality, writing

I am standing here In the dark. It is raining and the ground feebly trembles beneath me as a gentle storm appears to brew. The rain catches the edges of my hair, dampening it and darkening the tips in colour. My toes are slowly numbing and I wiggle them in anticipation of  being amongst the warmth of the tram that was due to arrive. The roads are wet and deserted and civilisation represents a scene from a 4am winters morning. I watch nervously as the time ticks past 8:45pm and my intention to reach home in good time gradually becomes threatened. There is no sign of the tram and I gaze towards the lady stood next to me, for reassurance. Knowing that there is a human body of warmth, one that carries emotions and sensations just like my own, provides me with an immediate sensation of connection and familiarity – the wonderfully strange reassurance of the company from a stranger.
It was at this moment that something became evident to me – if I was alone, my thoughts would be pacing, restless. Yet the obvious fact of having another human next to me was proudly comforting. We are social begins who were made to love and explore, thus when we come into contact with others, albeit briefly, their energy force field can penetrate our own, leaving a mark. Every day that we travel from one place to another, we are encapsulated by an energy force field, projecting our subconscious emotions onto those who we pass.
Keeping your soul open, allows you to pick up the sensations of another, even when they are painstakingly attempting to create a particular projection to display to the world. Occasionally the raw, uncut, uncensored, often dark emotions can prevail, painfully communicating this to the person who is staring deeply into your eyes. Most of the time, these darkened, more brutal, perhaps even less attractive emotions, are ignored and layered under a phoney facade.

Every so often you may encounter another soul that touches yours, softly yet intensely connecting with yourself- like two interlaced hands. Suddenly you don’t feel so deserted, you don’t feel betrayed by your mind and any old, reoccurring hurt may gently soften. Your souls reverberate off of one another and in that moment, the notion of time is obsolete and you are reminded, we are one.

10 mantras to help you on your journey

life lessons, spirituality

I’ve made it my life long quest to understand what it is to be happy and content. This may sound incredibly simplistic to some, but to other individuals who have experienced suffering, pain, tortuous thoughts or behaviours and a general disequilibrium of self, happiness being their only goal, is a tough one. I also understand that happiness is not a permanent emotional state that we can camp out in, feeling no more or less than eternal bliss. It is a wonderful emotion that reminds us that the dark, sometimes suffocating days will subside for the warmth eventually – we just have to be open enough to allow it. 

I came across these beautiful mantras through The Mind Unleashed Org and wanted to share. 

1) Even when I am alone I will remember that I am connected to all

2) I will find my path by helping others with theirs

3) I will not compound negative thoughts with shame

4) I will accept everybody wherever they are

5) I will look for and see beauty around me

6) I will allow abundance and good to happen to me

7) I will treat my mind and body as they deserve to be treated

8) I will dwell only on thoughts and emotions that help me grow

9) I will seek truth and knowledge

10) I will laugh and contribute positive energy to the universe