Last winter, a sudden shift left me analysing my life path in its entirety. Although I was grateful that the soil I had been tending to had managed to grow some roots strong enough to keep both feet planted firmly, I still felt as if my purpose was disoriented. I thought to myself, ‘what on earth are you doing, honestly?’. Whilst all of the average life requirements were comfortably being met, the pleasure and contentment seemed to be absent and I’d unknowingly traded my passions to be able to operate in survival mode – hello fight or flight, my old friend. I’d poured all of my life energy into a relationship that was destined to fail even before it had begun and my happiness was not even with me, it was placed in the undeserving hands of another. I wasn’t disappointed in myself, rather proud. I’d demonstrated an invisible ability to love another soul, erupting from the purest depths of my heart. Now it was time to transfer that adoration for another, back to its rightful owner. Via my Yoga Teacher Training, was I able to do so.
Prior to the YTT, I was not very ‘experienced’ when it came to yoga asana (yoga is considered to be an 8 limbed journey. Yoga asana or ‘posture’ is solely 1 of these 8 limbs). I’d been casually practicing for a couple of years but never with clear intention or discipline – something that I now understand to have such significance over personal development. Of course, during my training, this created the rising of all too familiar insecurities and fears as I managed to fabricate a story which featured a month of 30 yogi experts…and stiff old me. However, I still gripped onto the importance of celebrating my existing strengths and recognising that I would spend a month addressing and improving the weaknesses. The training would be an exploration, not an aim for perfection.
When I stepped onto my mat for my first day of training, I tried my best to manifest an understanding that I was there to better my own journey and life experience. I was not there to compare myself to others who were perhaps ‘further on’ or at a different pitstop on the way. However, in all honesty, I still found it incredibly challenging in the beginning as I continued to evaluate other skill sets within the group.
I thought to myself, considering the intention of yoga is to unify the mind, body and soul, how can I welcome this process if I am busy creating separation and highlighting differences? Thus, through the practice of personal acceptance and recognising that my journey was my own, I began to create space for expansion. Through the creation of this non-judgmental space, a ‘beginner’s mind’ was able to develop.
As a yoga student and teacher, you are taught that the learning process is one that is infinite. The goal is not to reach a destination where our pot of learnings is full. No, we become complete from acknowledging that this process is endless. We will remain humble and wise if we continue to be open to new learnings and alternative point of views. We are forever in a position where we should be curious to learn and explore, ensuring that we keep enough humility to continue to strive for the acquisition of further insight and knowledge.