Thought Sharers: We Were Not Love

You both convinced yourselves that it was love that you had for one another. You especially, had to work exceptionally hard at the convincing part. What you gave me was not love. I am not sure what it was – ego driven behaviour projected in a desperate bid to avoid disturbing the status quo and facing what you truly were. No, not in this lifetime.

Love for another cannot be fuelled by aggression or intimidation. It doesn’t manipulate in its moments of weakness, desperate to remain in control. Love has such a power that it overrides frequency lowering behaviours. It doesn’t ride with the ego, for that is not possible as love and ego cannot cohabit. Ego will always selfishly take up the most space in a romantic relationship, through fear of its own extinction. Ego driven romance shall always have lack of security in its foundation. That kind of ‘love’ is totally shakeable. That ‘love’ is at risk of significant damage and the ego’s awareness of this leads it to a place of desperation. 

Now it is clear to me and more straightforward to accept, what we had was not love. What I gave to you was not love, but fear. A fear of loss of something that was intended to be lost all along. It was complicated and the waters we swam in were dirtied. From time to time, we managed to swim towards a spot where we could see our toes wiggling through the water – entertained and momentarily distracted. Here we convinced ourselves that we’d found nirvana and what we deemed love, flourished. We’d managed to move downstream from the dirt that had contaminated our ‘love’. Not too long after, we’d notice darker waters flowing towards us – we could no longer see our toes. Ignorant for what was approaching, we managed to convince ourselves that this marathon we were swimming, was normal. The cycle continued, becoming routine until exhaustion came. My body ached as I constantly swam from the fear. We were no longer treading water, we were drowning but you were holding me under.

Surrounded by contaminated waters, we could no longer deny the loss. The death of a love that never existed.

Control and Surrender

Our brain has a clear purpose. It has highly complex functions that allow us to maintain some form of control over our lives and over our ability to make decisions. We desperately need these elements of control and restraint in order to make ‘good’ decisions. Without these functions, our day-to-day would end up totally structureless and would most likely lack any clear orientation. Simple, menial tasks would transform into those which would require high levels of focus, resulting in long completion times (and inevitable frustration). Getting through the day would simply be chaotic as we would not have the ability to make decisions. On the other hand, perhaps this consequence would lead us to a new realm of enjoyment and exploration, without feeling like we have an end task or goal that needs to be reached. We might even enjoy the journey.

Surrendering to a lack of control could in fact lead us down a more freeing, playful avenue. Why is control deemed as a positive force if it encourages us to be more rigid and exist in such a linear manner? Whilst, in our fast paced, highly adaptive society, having control is deemed as favourable. If one has control in their possession, they are more likely to be respected as they achieve more socially acceptable goals. They may be able to predict their coming future, based on the way they’ve structured their base. Life might feel tidy and the element of pleasant surprise is removed. However, along with that, any unpredictable pleasant surprise, dies.

Surrendering to a lack of control could invite openness to live in your life. It could create a habitat for open energy, encouraging your shoulders to come down from your ears, your ass cheeks to unclench and your jaw to relax – giving the muscles their job back. ‘Giving in’ can feel lighter and create space for a perspective which deems all paths as possibilities for opportunity, rather than ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. At the end of each path, lies a lesson to be learnt. Whilst upon the path, the structureless existence which you go by, might feel regretful as you beg structure and predictability back into your life. However, this is usually when something magical begins to manifest and everything aligns. All you need to do in aiding this transition is to surrender the control, give in and know that it is not failing, it is mastering.