I am, we are.

I am standing here In the dark. It is raining and the ground feebly trembles beneath me as a gentle storm appears to brew. The rain catches the edges of my hair, dampening it and darkening the tips in colour. My toes are slowly numbing and I wiggle them in anticipation of  being amongst the warmth of the tram that was due to arrive. The roads are wet and deserted and civilisation represents a scene from a 4am winters morning. I watch nervously as the time ticks past 8:45pm and my intention to reach home in good time gradually becomes threatened. There is no sign of the tram and I gaze towards the lady stood next to me, for reassurance. Knowing that there is a human body of warmth, one that carries emotions and sensations just like my own, provides me with an immediate sensation of connection and familiarity – the wonderfully strange reassurance of the company from a stranger.
It was at this moment that something became evident to me – if I was alone, my thoughts would be pacing, restless. Yet the obvious fact of having another human next to me was proudly comforting. We are social begins who were made to love and explore, thus when we come into contact with others, albeit briefly, their energy force field can penetrate our own, leaving a mark. Every day that we travel from one place to another, we are encapsulated by an energy force field, projecting our subconscious emotions onto those who we pass.
Keeping your soul open, allows you to pick up the sensations of another, even when they are painstakingly attempting to create a particular projection to display to the world. Occasionally the raw, uncut, uncensored, often dark emotions can prevail, painfully communicating this to the person who is staring deeply into your eyes. Most of the time, these darkened, more brutal, perhaps even less attractive emotions, are ignored and layered under a phoney facade.

Every so often you may encounter another soul that touches yours, softly yet intensely connecting with yourself- like two interlaced hands. Suddenly you don’t feel so deserted, you don’t feel betrayed by your mind and any old, reoccurring hurt may gently soften. Your souls reverberate off of one another and in that moment, the notion of time is obsolete and you are reminded, we are one.

The only thing that you can be sure of is your past

The great thing about life is its ability to be fluid, constantly running like the flow of a river. Each day, something will be different, a new thing will be remembered and another forgotten, yet we still mentally beat ourselves up over the smallest detail which most people have probably forgotten. Why does the human brain act so unforgiving when life gives us so many chances?

This got me to thinking that perhaps this ability to forgive ourselves comes purely from within. It’s not our brain attempting to punish us, it’s ourselves who are doing the wrong doing. However, it’s so much easier said than done to ‘be nice to yourself’ or ‘avoid negative thoughts’, especially when your thought process has a natural likening to a darker side of thinking.

In recent times, I’ve really tried to engage my brain into other waves of thinking, bothering my thoughts with things that are much more meaningful and worthwhile. For instance, I’ve started reading about the moon’s pattern and its power on our minds and bodies. According to a book called ‘Moon Time’, by learning how the moon can inhibit or increase our moods, we can learn to live in a way that makes a lot of sense. I’m trying to give this a go but it does take time to seriously alter your path of thought. It’s intriguing to learn about the different zodiac phases and how these can effect different areas of your body.

I don’t know about you, but I am trying to make a conscious effort to not necessarily be a positive person (this can be exhausting all the time) but perhaps to learn to let the little things go. At the end of the day, with me it’s the little things that start off minuscule in size and snowball into something that appears catastrophic in my head.

So I guess it’s about letting go and moving forward because at the end of the day, the only thing we can be sure of is our past, the current and future holds infinite, uncertain amounts for us. I guess, this uncertainty is what we call life.

What makes us love drugs so much?

For my dissertation I’m looking at the re-emerging rave culture alongside its partnership with ‘club drugs’. Exclusively looking at MDMA (A.K.A ecstasy), I want to explore the potential idea that individuals take drugs to relieve social anxieties that they may have.

Now, I know not everyone is socially anxious or necessarily has a motive for drug taking other than ‘it’s fun’, but I do believe there to be a small group of people who take drugs for other, more meaningful reasons.

Although I would call myself socially anxious, I haven’t ever intentionally taken drugs to relieve this anxiousness, it’s always just come as a pleasant side effect. However, I thought recently how often people explain the joy they feel when they have taken MDMA because they can talk to people in social situations, feeling a deep connection for hours on end – which they are not used to feeling as much in normality. This got me to thinking, if we can’t do this normally perhaps people feel relieved that this weight is temporarily lifted from their shoulders when they consume drugs.

In usual day-to-day scenarios, some people don’t feel as though they can talk to certain people about particular topics. However, when they consume a drug like MDMA, they can. There’s something about this that suggests to me that some people are normally uncomfortable in these kind of situations – some may even say anxious.

Studies have already produced results that explain individuals consume drugs as a way of emotional escapism, but I don’t feel as if anyone has discussed social anxieties in an equal amount of depth.

What do you think?

Have you ever taken drugs as a way to relieve social anxieties?

These are a few of my favourite things

 ‘Be brave, love life’ – This is a beautiful belated birthday present from one of my girlfriends. The flipping, heavy pendant with simple messages paired with a dainty chain, creates a necklace that is made for my personality. My friend told me this reminded her of me and I like that.

necklace

‘Positive energy’ – This bold and beautiful image is a #repost off of my Instagram account. I love everything that this frank statement represents. I’m all about positivity. Although, don’t get confused, this doesn’t mean that I’m perfect at it. It takes a long time to be a truly happy person, but practice makes perfect and I’m trying every day.

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‘A million little pieces’ – I’m an awful reader and it usually takes me years to get through a book. I’ve sped through this James Frey gem thanks to its laid back and approachable, human tone. It’s a great read and it really puts into perspective the kind of people that deal with addictions on a daily basis.


book

‘Water’ – We know, we know, drinking water is essential for health, beauty, well being etc. I got this cool (kinda childish) beaker (for less than a quid might I add?) to encourage me to drink more liquids. It’s definitely working thus far and will work wonders when I’m dolled up for a night out but don’t want to ruin my lippy on the edge of a cup!


beaker
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If you look to others for fulfilment, you will never be fulfilled

If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy.
Be content with what you have and take joy in the way things are.
When you realise you have all you need, the world belongs to you.

Mastering other people is strength, mastering yourself is power.
If you realise that what you have is enough, you are truly rich.
Stay in the centre and embrace peace, simplicity, patience and compassion.

It is not complicated unless I make it so.
It is not difficult unless I allow it to be.
A second is no more than a second, a minute no more than a minute, a day no more than a day.
They pass.
All things and all time will pass.
Don’t force or fear, don’t control or lose control.
Don’t fight and don’t stop fighting.
Embrace and endure.
If you embrace you will endure.

– A Million Little Pieces – James Frey

Day five of my Good Housekeeping internship

Today started like all of the other days at the London office. I checked up on emails and carried on with returns. The editor said that often PR companies will forget about various bits of jewellery that they have sent to us, so as you can imagine, various parts of the office begin to resemble a land fill. So, today I rummaged through the endless bag of jewellery ensuring the contents made their way back to their old home or they’d be facing the bin.

Later on, I began clearing some of the employees desks for an audit – they had hoarded numerous issues of the various magazines that they represented under their desks, dating back to last year. I was also able to see the library where the old magazines are kept, which was quite cool because some of them dated back to times when I wasn’t even around. You tend to forget how far the magazine industry has come and how much it still continues to grow and advance.

As the beauty cupboard is shared with the fashion cupboard, I often came into contact with the beauty editors of the magazine – they were lovely. I overheard them prepping for a sale and I remember thinking ‘please be today, please be today’. They chucked endless amounts of beauty products into a box, when one of the girls turned to me and said ‘make sure you don’t miss the beauty sale today!’. I don’t think I hid my excitement very well and the work procrastination began until half past three when the sale would commence. The editor fetched me and we queued up for the sale in the kitchen where it was to be held. Female employees impatiently awaited with their massive holdalls, ready to be crammed with the make up and books that were on offer. I thought to myself ‘how much could they possibly buy?’.

Everyone scrambled as soon as the doors opened and the sale began. It was difficult to see what you were picking up because everyone was so on top of each other, but I managed to grab a few bits. Everything was £1 and all the books were about £0.50-£1.00 so everything was an absolute bargain. I literally couldn’t believe my eyes, I was in heaven.

I managed to get my hands on some Nars cream blush, Laura Mercier highlighter, a Clinique smokey eye palette, a Max Factor lipgloss, some NYX make-up setting spray, a Benefit foundation sample, a glossy pink lipstick, a massive tube of Charles Worthington hair mask and some wonderful books on positive thinking. To say I was chuffed was an understatement as I paid about £5 for all of it!! To add to my freebie pile, one of the girls kindly gave me a canary yellow, soft Zara clutch bag that was recently released in store – perfect for the summer. I was so thankful.

This concluded a wonderful week that I’d had at Good Housekeeping. All of the staff were wonderful. Even the more ‘stern’ editor was lovely by the end of the week. Ironically, just as I’d settled in, I was about to leave. Working with a magazine has taught me a lot about how I work and how I can also improve myself. Due to the spontaneity of a magazine, you never know when a piece of work can crop up, so it’s important to be able to think on your feet and work quickly!

All in all, a fab week which taught me some valuable lessons about the career path which I intend to go down.

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A Spring in my step…

Spring feels like it’s tinkering on the edge of finally falling over and actually announcing itself, so today I began playing around with some outfits (it’s not like I have 3 essays to do over the Easter break). I start an internship with a magazine on Monday next week, so I was trying to find something in my wardrobe that could be worn for this at the same time.

The floral, pastel coloured dress was bought in a Topshop sale a few months ago. Whilst the sheer shirt was bought at a second hand fair in my sleepy village of Issigeac (for 1 euro – bargain!).

Have a fab weekend!

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