The Impermanence of Emotions

I like to remind myself on a weekly basis that I am insignificant and impermanent. Some might call this reasonably pessimistic or even a depressing way to live, but I encourage those people to humbly flip the concept on its head. We as human beings can often have an egocentric idea that we are existing in solitary on this planet – as if we are the only individuals who stroll the streets with our unique tales weighing on our shoulders, feet dragging and skeleton struggling to simply do its job.

In my opinion, (there are so many today, who cares anyway) it is important to remind ourselves of how simply insignificant we truly are. Yes, we are also significant in many ways (especially in our ways of damaging this wonder-filled planet or in the way we can so effortlessly harm other living beings). The point is, we are also all dying. One day we simply won’t be here. Thus, by reminding myself of this undeniable fact, it also encourages me (occasionally) to be a little looser about things. Right now, that focus in letting go, is placed with my emotions.

I am someone who takes shit very seriously. Uptight would be an appropriate way to describe me if you are someone who enjoys labels. However, this is also an element of myself that I am gently trying to knead out of the dough that formulates my thoughts. Why should one hold on to something that doesn’t want to hold on to them? Emotions don’t want to set up camp, they don’t favour familiarity, they simply want to come and go as they please – that is something that we as human beings are not always great in accepting: so much in our lives is temporary, especially when it comes to feelings.

Emotions are the epitome of impermanence. Why are we so blind to acknowledge and accept that? Where does this inherit stubbornness originate from, especially when it comes to letting go of painful emotions?

According to Tony Robins (a wonderfully mental life guru), we hold onto our painful emotions because they are familiar. Human beings are not the best in dealing with uncertainty and change. Thus, the pain from the past serves us in a way that it is familiar and opposite to the unknown, something new or different – it is comforting. Whilst letting go can release you from this pain, it liberates you into a space of the unknown which can be daunting and confronting.

Ask yourself why you hold onto past emotions and identify how they no longer serve you. Perhaps you can attempt to clear some of the fog that sits in front of your view. Start by setting yourself clear, weekly goals for what you would like to change and write down what your life would look like, should you achieve these goals. Visualise and attract the vision you deserve and let go of what no longer has a purpose taking space in your life.

Don’t ask that the emotions simply go away, ask them why they are there and talk to them. Sit in it all for a while and when you are ready tell them to leave.

Change and Transformation

Often, we loathe it, mostly we fear it and for the best part, we do our best to deny its looming existence in our lives. However, funnily enough it can have the most profound affect on our being. It’s force alone can transform the unthinkable and revolutionise our existence. So, if this is all old news, why do we fear change so much?

Naturally, we don’t like change and one of the reasons could be due to the fear of the uncertainty of a situation – we cannot anticipate what is coming and that can generate anxiety. We are creatures of habit, creatures who enjoy being able to prepare for the future. What we often fail to initially realise is also how flexible we can be when faced with new situations. So, those sometimes cliché sayings that we are used to passively exchanging in retaliation to other’s adversity, do have some profound meaning because they are true if you hold enough faith: everything is going to be ok, don’t worry it will all be fine, everything is going to work out for the best, alles komt goed. 

Change enables us to grow, as well as helping to develop our sense of self, through the challenges we may encounter on the way. Change can also lead to increased self-esteem once we recognize that we are flexible and easily adaptable beings. Unexpected changes are great for personal development as the wounds we may sustain during these testing times, eventually heal, strengthening our self-belief of self and life in general. Finally, change creates a highly adaptable internal environment, resulting in less freak outs with every new scenario we encounter.

Yes, we need most change and it is inevitable. If we do not experience any change, we run the risk of living in a stale state, maintaining stale relationships or simply accommodating stale experiences. A simple yet effective example can be seen in the wonderful book ‘who moved my cheese?’ by Spencer Johnson. The short, simplistic depiction helps to highlight that our denial of change and building of a life that denies its existence, will only cut ourselves off from having the crucial skills required for survival. By clutching eagerly onto our comfortable and familiar lives, we will only make it harder for ourselves once we are confronted with change.

That is not to say that dealing with change is uncomplicated. I for one struggle when initially dealing with a new situation of any kind. ‘Newness’ highlights my weaknesses and sheds too strong of a light on my flaws. However, to undergo metamorphosis there must be a struggle of some kind in order to truly awaken again.

***

 

Do you have tips for dealing with change? Asking for a friend.

Mental Health Talks: Using Technology to Aid Mental Recovery

As someone who places a lot of importance on spirituality in the healing process, I was reluctant to utilise the support of technology in my own recovery. However, after discovering an incredibly refreshing app, I was enlightened in understanding how technological thinking doesn’t always have to have an ulterior motive.

I first began to sense that things were not going so well for me, when I became familiar with the dooming sensation associated with anxiety attacks. The crushing feeling progressively surfaced during work meetings, when I was commuting, whilst in places I couldn’t leave without other people noticing, social situations or simply before I fell asleep at night. The drive for my job promptly depleted and I couldn’t seem to see through the vague cloud of fog encompassing my thoughts and whole existence. Everything that made up my judgements, appeared to be empty, soulless and meaningless.

The utterance of burnout seemed ridiculous at first. From what I’d experienced around me, burnouts were serious and considerably more debilitating then what I was going through. However, when I made the decision to inform my employer that I wasn’t doing too well and I was going to take some time off as a result, it solidified the fact that I needed proper support. What surprised me, was the fact that I wasn’t even able to worry about the shame that I had preempted myself to feel, when asking for this help – frankly put: I could not feel. One thing that was clear: my brain begged for a mental check out. My own capability of understanding mental illness was frozen and I needed help.

During this time, I came across an article that shared ‘the best apps to aid mental illness’. The article suggested an app known as Stigma, to gently aid users throughout their mental health struggles.

Stigma, allows you to record your mood every day via a simple, clean cut app. The user-friendly, basic interface allows you to rate your feelings using a list of descriptive words i.e. anxious, sad, ok, calm, happy (which is then colour coded in your monthly overview). If the ratings are too simplistic, you can add your diary entry below. Stigma, also offers a community of peers who may be suffering from mental illness and silently searching for someone to share with. This peer group helps to empahsise that you are never alone in the struggle. As mental health sufferers will know, at times, encouragement and discussion from others who have suffered or are suffering, can be significantly more relatable then talking to friends or family.

The wonderful thing about stigma is the fact that it essentially provides you with an illuminating overview of your moods from the previous days, weeks and months. The app encouraged me to take a step back from my naturally negative or destructive thinking patterns. I became motivated when I saw the green boxes increasing (signifying ‘good mood’ days) and when I noticed the red boxes returning (‘bad mood’ days), I would rationally asses that day at another date, trying to avoid disappointment or placing judgment on myself.

An example of the Stigma interface

Often, when you are having a dip and your mood only allows for heaviness and darkness, it becomes increasingly more challenging to remember the enjoyable times –  and if you are succeptible, this can effect your entire outlook on life. It becomes almost impossible to remind yourself of the great Friday night you had with your friends where you laughed once – making you feel alive, or the Sunday morning when you awoke feeling less heavy – giving you a moment to catch your breath or the lovely book which took you out of this world for a short while. It is important to remind yourself of the little accomplishments, especially when you are going through something testing and unknown. Stigma enables you to do that – it brings you back to the present and this feels incredibly rewarding.

Tracking and reflecting on your moods and behaviors can be highly productive on your own path towards mental healing. I highly encourage it if you desire a more present and meaningful life – especially one in which you wish to take charge of your own moods.

The greatest reward: seeing your first month filled with only green blocks and clicking through each day, gently reminding yourself of some mentally strong and fulfilling days that did occur – eventually, allowing you to gradually turn your back on the darkness, inviting the light into your life.

 

Mindfulness Talks: Meditation. You only miss a good thing when it’s gone

Credit: Pintrest

I sometimes feel that when the word ‘meditation’ is dropped into conversation, it can fall victim to many stereotypical associations: hippy, floater, dreamer, wanderer – or any word that can be coupled with the opposite sensation to being grounded or in control. With a fear of bystanders being misled by these prejudices, I can often become irritated by these conversations.

Simply meditating doesn’t imply that you are ready to descend to another spiritual realm, in preparation for a significant awakening. It can mean many things, but for most it’s simply a method to gain more inner calm and understanding of oneself. The ironic thing is, if I was to analyse my mind before I started meditation, it was more out of control and less grounded than ever before. The stresses, expectations and pressures of modern life, had really started to take a toll upon my mental health. I realised, I’d been forcefully swallowing my worries like they were sick-burps – each time, pushing harder to keep them down. When the stress eventually bubbled up to the surface, I would freak out, suffer momentarily and then dust it off feeling like I’d achieved something. This was naïve.

Around 3weeks ago, I began meditating every single day. I made this commitment to myself in order to see if I could transform my ‘naturally’ negative and anxious head space. It had gotten to a point where I felt vulnerable as a result of my own emotional outbursts. I would wake in the night gasping for air, my hair was falling out and I felt eternally restless in my headspace, victim to eternal mind chatter – it was and sometimes still is, pretty torturous.

In the first 2.5 weeks, I think I missed around 3 or 4 sessions and I felt it – in fact, ‘missed’ being the imperative word here, I missed them. And you do start to notice the reassuring ‘buzz’ fades away after you’ve neglected the practice a couple of times.

The greatest indicator that the meditation had helped me, was how I often fell asleep. I began to notice that I could fall asleep without even thinking about the day that had passed or the night that was ahead – there was nothing on my mind. That was until, I hit week 3. The stresses of work became embedded, deep in my stomach and I lay awake until 4am. I tried multiple mediation sessions one evening, until I eventually fell asleep. However, this burst my bubble – meditation wasn’t able to rescue me or melt me into sleep as I had hoped, grazing over my mind chatter. It had seemingly ‘failed’.

Initially, I felt that this hiccup had diminished all of my meditation progress that I had built up – wiping my slate with a dirty cloth. That was until I realized that it was one hiccup. After I’d been used to having so many hiccups, especially during the night time, one hiccup had to be a victory. Surely.

Societal Talks: I am, we are

I am standing here In the dark. It is raining and the ground feebly trembles beneath me as a gentle storm appears to brew. The rain catches the edges of my hair, dampening it and darkening the tips in colour. My toes are slowly numbing and I wiggle them in anticipation of  being amongst the warmth of the tram that was due to arrive. The roads are wet and deserted and civilisation represents a scene from a 4am winters morning. I watch nervously as the time ticks past 8:45pm and my intention to reach home in good time gradually becomes threatened. There is no sign of the tram and I gaze towards the lady stood next to me, for reassurance. Knowing that there is a human body of warmth, one that carries emotions and sensations just like my own, provides me with an immediate sensation of connection and familiarity – the wonderfully strange reassurance of the company from a stranger.
It was at this moment that something became evident to me – if I was alone, my thoughts would be pacing, restless. Yet the obvious fact of having another human next to me was proudly comforting. We are social begins who were made to love and explore, thus when we come into contact with others, albeit briefly, their energy force field can penetrate our own, leaving a mark. Every day that we travel from one place to another, we are encapsulated by an energy force field, projecting our subconscious emotions onto those who we pass.
Keeping your soul open, allows you to pick up the sensations of another, even when they are painstakingly attempting to create a particular projection to display to the world. Occasionally the raw, uncut, uncensored, often dark emotions can prevail, painfully communicating this to the person who is staring deeply into your eyes. Most of the time, these darkened, more brutal, perhaps even less attractive emotions, are ignored and layered under a phoney facade.

Every so often you may encounter another soul that touches yours, softly yet intensely connecting with yourself- like two interlaced hands. Suddenly you don’t feel so deserted, you don’t feel betrayed by your mind and any old, reoccurring hurt may gently soften. Your souls reverberate off of one another and in that moment, the notion of time is obsolete and you are reminded, we are one.

The only thing that you can be sure of is your past

The great thing about life is its ability to be fluid, constantly running like the flow of a river. Each day, something will be different, a new thing will be remembered and another forgotten, yet we still mentally beat ourselves up over the smallest detail which most people have probably forgotten. Why does the human brain act so unforgiving when life gives us so many chances?

This got me to thinking that perhaps this ability to forgive ourselves comes purely from within. It’s not our brain attempting to punish us, it’s ourselves who are doing the wrong doing. However, it’s so much easier said than done to ‘be nice to yourself’ or ‘avoid negative thoughts’, especially when your thought process has a natural likening to a darker side of thinking.

In recent times, I’ve really tried to engage my brain into other waves of thinking, bothering my thoughts with things that are much more meaningful and worthwhile. For instance, I’ve started reading about the moon’s pattern and its power on our minds and bodies. According to a book called ‘Moon Time’, by learning how the moon can inhibit or increase our moods, we can learn to live in a way that makes a lot of sense. I’m trying to give this a go but it does take time to seriously alter your path of thought. It’s intriguing to learn about the different zodiac phases and how these can effect different areas of your body.

I don’t know about you, but I am trying to make a conscious effort to not necessarily be a positive person (this can be exhausting all the time) but perhaps to learn to let the little things go. At the end of the day, with me it’s the little things that start off minuscule in size and snowball into something that appears catastrophic in my head.

So I guess it’s about letting go and moving forward because at the end of the day, the only thing we can be sure of is our past, the current and future holds infinite, uncertain amounts for us. I guess, this uncertainty is what we call life.

If you look to others for fulfilment, you will never be fulfilled

If your happiness depends on money, you will never be happy.
Be content with what you have and take joy in the way things are.
When you realise you have all you need, the world belongs to you.

Mastering other people is strength, mastering yourself is power.
If you realise that what you have is enough, you are truly rich.
Stay in the centre and embrace peace, simplicity, patience and compassion.

It is not complicated unless I make it so.
It is not difficult unless I allow it to be.
A second is no more than a second, a minute no more than a minute, a day no more than a day.
They pass.
All things and all time will pass.
Don’t force or fear, don’t control or lose control.
Don’t fight and don’t stop fighting.
Embrace and endure.
If you embrace you will endure.

– A Million Little Pieces – James Frey